Thanksgiving Awakening

This Thanksgiving was the most interesting Thanksgiving I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

Not only did we drive 12 hours to Kansas to visit J's aunt, and drive back a day and half later; I also encountered a lot of ED issues that came up.  Surprisingly, I dealt with them all.  I dealt with my issues and didn't make excuses for 'living' and having fun because I 'felt fat', or something of that nature.

So, what am I really talking about?

What I'm talking about is the fact that I practically ate my own weight at Thanksgiving this year.  I don't know why.  Well, I do.  There was SO MUCH delicious food.  Food was everywhere.  And everyone kept eating eating eating.  I guess I just followed the herd.

I ate like jabba the hut for three days straight.  There food was so enticing, and it was just sitting there taunting me.  Turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and cannolis and pie and ice cream and whipped cream and creme brulee ....

I was having so much fun with everyone-- talking and eating and eating and talking.  Even though I knew that I would regret eating so much after Thanksgiving I didn't stop.  Why?  I don't know.  And even though I could practically feel myself getting fat, I didn't retreat in a corner and ask J if we could leave Kansas earlier because I couldn't handle myself around the food and I couldn't risk getting fat.
I ate, I talked, and I put on my jeans and enjoyed Thanksgiving.

No one there would care if my jeans looked a little too snug.  And I was just so happy to be around family.  To be around art (J's aunt is an artist), to be crafting (I made a really pretty bracelet- and no, I'm not tooting my own horn.  It looks professional! :), to be discussing life, to let myself be free of my constraints.  It was quite a phenomenal experience.  Even right now I can't describe why I'm not (totally) freaking out about the amount of food I consumed.

I came home from Kansas, looked in the mirror, and acknowledged that I looked a little bit more round.  Then I put on a tight pair of leggings and a form fitting sparkly sweater, and got ready to attend J's ten year high school reunion.  <--This was a HUGE out-of-character move for me.  Usually after eating so terribly I feel so awful about myself that I lock myself away from anyone but J for a couple of days.  But on Saturday, I said fuck this.  I acknowledged my 'chubby' feelings, took a shower, did my hair, put on make-up and my outfit, and went to the reunion.
I had an amazing time.  And I felt pretty good about myself.  J proudly introduced me to the people that I didn't know, and I had long chats with people that I did know.  It was great.  If I had listened to my ED thoughts and my body images issues I would have been at home watching TV while hating myself for eating so much during Thanksgiving.  I would have sat alone at home and scolded myself over and over again.  But I didn't, and that's an extraordinary feat in and of itself.

On top of being thankful for an amazing Love, fabulous family and friends, our health and our happiness; this Thanksgiving, I am so incredibly thankful for the change of attitude that I was blessed with.

I'm not really religious, but I kind of want to end this post with 'Amen'.

Amen :)

Here are some pictures from the day.  I wish I could post more, but I try to not post pictures with J in them out of respect for his online privacy, and he was in most of the pictures.
So you're stuck with pix of me! =P

This is Solstice.  He is part Bengal!

This is what we feasted on for 2 days.

Yes, I ate everything on this table.  Multiple times.

Their property was beautiful!

I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well. :)

For you exercise gurus... help me please!

I exercise about 3 times a week.  I do 10 minutes on the elliptical on high resistance, 20 minutes walking at a 4.3 mi/hr pace on the highest incline, 10 minutes of ab-work, and 20 minutes on a few different leg machines to work my outer thighs, inner thighs, quads, glutes, etc.

My legs have sort of toned up.  However, my ass has gotten really round.  Way too big for my liking.  And my thighs have grown in mass.

How do I do the OPPOSITE of this?

I want my legs to be streamlined and fit; not chunky and big.

Should I cut out the weight training?  Let up on the glute machine?

Helllllp!!!

Hatty Saturday!

Fabulous!

To all of my FB/WB/TN friends...

I have been getting quite a few questions of 'what happened' to me on FB and the reasoning behind why I deleted some of you off my FB account.  I want to give you an explanation, so here goes...

If you've been following my blog you know that I've had ED flare-ups the past couple of weeks.  After one very bad flare up I decided that FB may be a little bit of a trigger for my ED.  I want to assure you all that it was nothing that anyone said, and nothing that anyone did.  I think you are all lovely people, and I'm so sorry if I upset anyone.

I started noticing a trend of negativity within myself that was somewhat triggering my ED.  I realized that I spent way too much time on FB and on WB/TN-- observing other people's lives, listening to other people's rants.  And I didn't like how it was affecting me.

So, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I basically went on a deleting spree to lessen my self-produced FB anxiety.  I deleted almost everyone I knew off WB/TN (not in real life), and I also deleted WB/TN.

Now, I've actually decided to de-activate my FB account for a while so that I can focus on my thesis and other things.
 
I just wanted to let you all know that I'm OK, and to apologize for upsetting anyone over getting deleted. I really meant no harm by it, and it absolutely wasn't personal.  It was just one of those things that I had to do for myself.

Right now I want to experience a lot more real life than online life.  I mean it when I say that I will miss knowing what's going on in your lives.  But, I have to focus on myself and other things right now, and it's very difficult for me to do that while I'm on FB constantly.

That being said, I will still keep up with my blog, as it is a positive form of self expression.  And if I stopped following your blog it's not because I was offended by what you wrote or anything like that.  I just decided to keep most of the blogs that I follow to ED recovery/health/fashion related ones, etc.

Again, I really hope that I didn't upset anyone, as it was definitely not my goal.

Thank you for your sweet messages.  :)

Love,
Yasi

Eating 'normally' while out

  After having a great work out at the gym after J got out of work, we contemplated our dinner choices.  We'd eaten at home the past couple of nights, so I suggested that we eat out somewhere.  J agreed, and we decided that we would grab sandwiches.  

To me, sandwiches are usually a safe food choice.  At most sub shops I can build my own sandwich and order the 'healthiest' options, which cause me the least anxiety.  Such was the case last night, or so I thought...

We pulled up to Blimpie's (I've never actually been there!), but two doors down was a local sub shop that looked pretty neat.  So, we decided to eat there.

Well, one glance at the menu and sweat starting building at various places on my body.  No where in sight did they have a 'healthy' and simple Turkey-lettuce-tomato On Wheat.  Every one of their sandwich choices were very creative specialty creations topped with sauces.  And for the sides you had a choice of chips, potato salad, or cole-slaw.  What was that--  Fat, fat, and fat?

I think I must have looked like a deer in the headlights because J asked me if I was "Okay?" and if I wanted to eat there.  I mumbled something about not being able to find anything healthy on the menu.  Meanwhile, my stomach rumbled with protest.  So I listened to my stomach, and told him it was okay to eat there.

I ordered something that sounded amazingly delicious: turkey, cheese, avocado, mayo, on a ciabatta roll, with a side of potato salad.  Now let me interject to tell you something silly:  I had to ask the sandwich guy what a ciabatta roll was.  

Do you know why I don't know what a ciabatta roll is?  Because I am so petrified of secret fat and calories that I have never veered past white and wheat bread.  I know.  Ridiculous.

Regardless of my knowledge in bread, the sandwich was amazing!  Eating it was like goodness wrapped up in deliciousness wrapped up in love.  And you know what I did after?  I asked J to stop at Subway so that we could get a couple of cookies for dessert.

VICTORY!

I'm proud to say that I handled eating out pretty well this time around.

Tell me, how do you handle eating outside of your home?

Jeanography

Jeans.

The one piece of clothing that can actually arise a myriad of emotions.  Some swear by their easy utility and the idea that you can dress them up and dress them down.  And some bolt in the opposite direction.  (As is the case with a friend of mine who literally did not done a pair of jeans for five years.  FIVE years!)

Regardless of the feeling that the J-word gives you, jeans are a practical fashion must-have and a staple in many wardrobes.  The proper pair of jeans can make you go from frump to fashionista.

And we are in luck because many different types of jeans are 'in' right now.  Countless options are available to our fashion interpretation: wide legs, flares, skinnies, jeggings, cargos, cropped jeans, jean shorts, and much more.  Jeans can be worn in every which way, while making a bold fashion statement!

Remember the 90's?  If you didn't wear nice flared jeans you may as well not have left your house until the pair from Abercrombie arrived at the door.  And nice jeans that were acceptable were so incredibly expensive as we didn't have the option of affordable stores like Forever21.

Now, rocking various types of jeans is justifiable and fun!

With the arrival of Fall and the emergence of your warmer wardrobe comes the big question.
"How should I wear my jeans this season?" 

Two huge jean trends this season are dressed up jean shorts, and jeggings tucked into ankle boots.
Both looks are very edgy and tend to be tricky.  You don't want to look disproportioned while wearing your tightest jeggings with blocky ankle boots.  And you certainly don't want to wear your jean shorts and look like you forgot what season it is.

Here are some fabulous ways to wear the two looks.  And remember to always be confident of your outfit and carry yourself proudly; as that is truly the secret to rocking any look.  ;)

Short shorts

Jeggings and ankle boots

Image Overhaul

Hi everyone!

Yes, it's true: once again I have changed my layout.  I was getting sick of the other one.

I  really hope that my background changing isn't too distracting.  But, I just haven't been able to find anything that I love.  I haven't found a background that just screams "YASI!!".

I want simple, chic.  And I always find wacky, whimsical.
>>face palm<<

So, this will have to do for now!

Cheers! :)