Thursday, September 16, 2010

Cutting out ED by shredding your 'skinny' jeans

As a pre-cursor, I want to tell you all that the week of the wedding and during our honeymoon I had very very high body confidence.  I don't know why.  I must've just been REALLY happy, positive, and on top of the world.  Too happy to dwell on ED monsters.  I was eating food, sweets, etc.  On our honeymoon, we shared a dessert every.single.night.  It was absolutely fantastic!

But, I did have good reason to feel good about my body because even the (very busy) week of the wedding I hit the gym up three times.  And on our honeymoon I even went to the gym--twice!

After the honeymoon, we started moving and setting up house, and our eating habits were not the best.  I felt fat, and kinda blah, but I told myself that this is not how I normally eat, so it's OK. But for the last week and a half my eating habits normalized, so I started to feel better about myself.  However, since I've been working on the house, I've been living in PJs.  And who doesn't feel good in their PJs?!

Backtrack to yesterday... I went to the gym.  I felt great!  It was the 2nd time I had been to the gym this week, and since the honeymoon.

Then I went to get dressed to go to the grocery store.  I came up with a really cute outfit in my head, involving skinny jeans.  I grabbed the pieces out of my closet, and tugged the jeans on.  (In reality, I tried on 3 different skinny jeans out of my closet).

And in every single one, I.Felt.HUGE.


I swear these jeans looked fine before the honeymoon.  I couldn't have gained very much weight.  I looked pretty much the same.  And my face looks the same, so I couldn't have gained weight (I get face pudge when I gain).  So I did the only thing that I could do, I put on a long flowy top with the skinny jeans so that I didn't feel like a cow, and I went out the door.  But to my credit, at least I still went out!  There used to be days that I didn't leave the house when I felt fat.

So, today, I tried on the jeans from yesterday.  And I didn't feel fat.  Or big.  Or anything.  I felt like I looked good-  well, in at least two of them.

Brain, what is wrong with you!!!  See, it wasn't the weight, or the mirror, or anything.  It was your fucked up body image!

To be quite honest, I bought all of these jeans around 2-3 years ago.  My body has change immensely.  If they don't fit it's not because I'm fat.  It's because I started working out and I probably gained muscle in my butt.  That's it.  The jeans don't fit how they used to because my body weight has shifted.  Oh fucking well.

So, I did what any girl who hates and agonizes over fitting into a certain pair of jeans would do.  I took the scissors to it, and shredded the mother fucker.  Instant relief overtook my body.  I will never ever have to worry about fitting into those jeans again.  THERE.



  1. Yay Yasi!!!!!!!!!!!! I Love how you did this! I definetely need to do that. I have one pair of blue jeans that I've been keeping--I don't know why I am keeping it--from my lowest point in my life when I was very sick with ED. I need to take it out of the closet and SCISSOR 'EM UP! :) *Hugs*

  2. yayyyy! that is soooo awesome :D for some reason I just can't let go of my skinny jeans. i still have the same pair i wore when I was quite ill with anorexia. ahhh I just can't let them go :(

  3. Good for you! I'm so glad to hear that your ED didn't impact your wedding and honeymoon. It proves that happiness and contentedness are really so crucial to recovery.

  4. Thanks, girls!! I can't recommend this tactic of recovery enough!!

  5. What an awesome thing to do! I love the power in that!


  6. yay Yasi!!! This entry is so great :) You are so strong, and by the way - you are beautiful and amazing!

    One pair of skinny jeans has no real significance in our enormous lives :)

  7. Way to go Yasi!!! Shred them good :D

    I know the feeling of what it's like to not want to go out on account of how you physically feel. Albeit this still hinders me. I'm hoping with a ridged work out routine, coupled with healthy eating and TONS of support I will soon loose 60 lbs. No matter what weight gain or weight loss is a tough road for many.

    Many blessings on your journey. You're doing fantastic.

  8. Thanks, Amanda!

    I wish you GREAT luck with your weight loss goals! I'm sure you're doing it a very healthy way =)


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