Friday, December 31, 2010


Happy new year to all of you Lovies!!  I wish you all a year filled with happiness, love, HEALTH, success, and lots of laughter.

You are all amazing, and I hope that 2011 will be fabulous for all of us!

Lots of Love,

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Top 10 Things To Have in your Closet & Shop in Your Closet: Part I (NYE edition)

Those of us in love (yes, actual yearning love) with fashion are constantly faced with the newest things that we'd love to get our hands on.  Oh, what I wouldn't give to have a chic mid-length faux-fur winter coat, a pair of fabulous booties, a few more dressy tops, and of course, the love of my life, my obsession... the classic Chanel quilted handbag.

But that's just it.  Sometimes you can't just 'give anything' to buy new clothing, accessories, or the like, and you have to get creative.  One of the cheapest, most fun and rewarding ways to acquire new looks is to hunt for them in your own closet.  However, it does make things easier if you generally stick to buying simple pieces that you can add onto.  

Here are 10 great building blocks for an easy-to-assemble wardrobe:

1.  Dark skinny jeans (You can dress these up with a hot top and heels, or dress them down with an oversized sweatshirt and sneakers)
2.  A shrunken jacket in any color, but black works best (Throw it over a tank to stay warm and chic when going out, or wear it over a men's shirt tucked into a pencil skirt for work)
3.  A variety of scarves (Very user friendly)
4.  A pair of hot black heels
5.  A pair of black flat riding boots
6.  A pair of funky flats (leopard or zebra print, anyone?!)
7.  A few plain-colored tank tops- black, white, royal blue, etc... (Just like the skinny jeans, you can dress these up or down)
8.  A few go-to accessories: a long necklace, pretty dangly earrings, a cute headband, a silver cuff bracelet, a couple of belts (Sometimes accessories can truly make an outfit)
9.  A functional but cute all-purpose purse, and a fun and sparkly 'going out' purse
10. A little black dress (LBD) (A staple!)

You now know most of my fashion-jedi tricks... use them wisely, young one!

So, that brings me to New Year's Eve 2011.  We have plans to go out with a group of friends, and I've never ever gone out for New Year's before (Can you believe it?!).  I am SO EXCITED (!!!!!!).  

What will I wear?!

At first I thought, well, of course, I'll just go out and get a new party dress.  Then I started reevaluating... do I really need another dress? If I get a new dress I may be tempted to get new shoes and accessories... do I really want to spend a bunch of money just to get dressed for NYE?

For a few days the shopping-obsessed devil and the money-concious angel on my shoulders duked it out.  And now I'm proud to announce that the angel won. :)  So, I went shopping in my closet, and utilized rule #10.

I bought a cute little black dress about a year ago and have only worn it once.  After a little bit of outfit experimentation, I put together two outfits:

LBD with black rhinestone belt.  Accessorized with rhinestone black pumps and a chunky necklace.  Hair pulled into a simple pony tail to highlight the statement necklace.
Necklace: Ann Taylor Loft
Shoes: Nina
Belt & Dress: Not sure

Very simple.  LBD accessorized with funky belt and black rhinestone pumps.  Hair is worn half up.  No accessories as to not complete with the hair and the ruffles of the dress.
Dress: Not sure
Belt: Forever 21
Shoes: Nina

After putting together both outfits I decided that I'm most likely going to wear look #1.  It's a little bit more fun and a little more NYE. 

So, tell me:
Are you doing anything for NYE?
Do you know what you're going to wear?
Do you shop out of your own closet for a special occasion or do you hit up the mall for a new outfit?

Monday, December 20, 2010

Lack of exercise associated with the 'blues'?

I haven't been to the gym since before Thanksgiving.  While I've been practicing intuitive eating and not feeling as frantic about food and weight, something has been off with my emotional well-being.  I've been getting up later than usual, sleeping more, and have been feeling generally cranky and 'under the weather'.

Could it be because I haven't been going to the gym?  I was so used to getting exercise about 3X a week, and ever since I haven't been going I feel a change in my overall attitude.  Things that normally wouldn't bother me are intensely affecting me.  I feel a lot less accomplished and a lot more 'blue'.

The reason I stopped going to the gym in the first place was because I wanted to lose some unwanted muscle mass, and so I could recalibrate my body.  Now I'm finding that I'm missing the tense muscles and the mental euphoria that I got from working out.

I really do think the change in my state of mind is because I haven't gotten exercise.  So maybe all of the studies about exercise as a mood elevator and stabilizer are true?

It's just kind of weird/crazy/cool to see the phenomenon within yourself.
I'm a human guinea pig!

Has anyone else dealt with this?

P.S.  I'm going to get dressed and hit the gym. :)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Flying by the seat of your pants

What does that mean exactly?  How does one actually fly by the seat of one's pants?


This weekend that is exactly what we did:

Hi there!

Has the seat of your pants ever made you fly? ;)

Friday, December 17, 2010

These boots are made for walkin'

and that's just what they'll do

Tonight we're going out for a friend's birthday party.  Which to me says: "Yay! Friends!", and then "Yay! What am I gonna wear?!?!".

I love love loooove boots.  I have pink ones, blue ones, black ones, new ones... okay okay, I'll stop with the rhyming. =P

And since it's super cold out here, I wanted something that I would be warm in.  I chose to wear the following ensemble:

-Beaded lace black tank (Express)
-Long black sweater (Forever21)
-Checkered tights (Target...I think)
-Royal blue boots (Journey's)
-Silver ring (Picked up in travels!)
-Big hoop earrings (Forever21)

Every time I put an outfit together, I start with one piece and build it from there.  I chose the black sweater because it was cozy and warm, but cute at the same time.  Then I added the tights because they were a little bit funky, and the boots were just begging to be added to the look.

I am a big believer of having a signature focal point to an outfit.  If you're wearing all black, then something in your outfit must pop-- whether it's a long beaded pearl necklace, a funky headpiece, or some crazy colored boots. ;)  Sometimes my 'pops' are a little unconventional, and sometimes my fashion choices don't work out and I end up looking a little nutty.  But if you can't have fun with fashion, then what's the point?!

As always, I'm posting pix, but please excuse the no make-up and scraggly hair!  I wanted to figure out what I would wear before I got all ready, and I knew I wouldn't have time to take pix after I got ready tonight--since we're leaving as soon as J gets home.  

Side note... I wish that I had a more appealing place to take these pix... but until then, we're stuck with ugly curtains and a cute Christmas tree. :)

These boots are bluer than Smurfette!


These hoop earrings are fun-they have a little bit of a sparkly design woven into them

Happy Friday everyone!! <3

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Sometimes you just gotta YSAE TI EKAT.

If you have a Mac you know why the letters on my shirt are backward in the pic. =P

I wanted to give you guys an update on my intuitive eating, etc.  Things are going pretty well with it-- which is awesome!

We traveled to Illinois this weekend and spent the weekend with J's family.  We went out to eat a couple of times and we had ice cream for J's brother's birthday.  I ate when I was hungry, and didn't eat when I wasn't.  Imagine that!  I felt good about myself.  Food and my body were not the #1 thing on my mind.  Whoa.

I've been eating sensibly, but on Monday I was craving fatty foods all day.  So I asked J to bring home some fried chicken (which I never eat! lol), and we had chicken, a little pizza, and ice cream for dessert.  I was very content.  Yesterday I ate sensibly again because I didn't have any cravings in particular.

I haven't weighed myself since last week because 1.  I chucked my scale years ago.  And 2.  I don't really care.  I'm fitting into all my clothes the way I want to be.  As I said in my last post, I've lost most of the unwanted muscle mass I'd gained from lifting since I haven't been to the gym in the last three weeks (and I haven't lifted in 4 weeks).   I am feeling very much at ease about my weight, my body, and my overall body image. 

But, beyond that, I'm happy with my state of mind right now.  I haven't been obsessing over food, tugging at my skin, or worrying about my next workout.  Simply said, I'm taking it easy.  However, I do need to get back to the gym at least a couple of times a week.  I miss it!  But the lazy bug has taken over, and it's so so so cold outside (right now it's 24 deg F, and that's the highest it's been in the last few days!).

Anyway, I'm sending you all lots of hugs, and of course I'm keeping up with all of your lovely posts.

Remember, YSAE TI EKAT! :)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Baby it's cold outside...

Apparently I'm in a posting mood today!  We'll just say I'm making up for not posting in the last two weeks.  :)  This will be a fun post to balance out the seriousity (made up word... if you've seen Wicked you'll get it) of my previous post.

It's almost Christmas!!  We've decked our house in Christmas decorations, and our place looks really festive.

 Found these little guys at the Dollar Store.  Aren't they cute?!

Christmas tree with presents for our family.  Oh, and lets not forget the kitties' stocking!

J and I decided that our Christmas present to each other this year would be to see Wicked (a musical), and to go out to a nice dinner.  I was super excited about both, but especially psyched to see Wicked, as it was yesterday.  Well, it was flat out A-MAZING!!!  It was so fun, and magical, and just perfect.  We had a great time, and I'm so glad we decided to go.  What a great Christmas gift!  Since it was on a Thursday night, we couldn't make it to dinner before hand.  So, we're doing the dinner next Saturday.  :)

What's fabulous about nights out like this is that I get to get all dressed up.  And you all know how I love to do that!  It was freezing here, so I opted for a thin black turtle neck (Forever21), some sheer jet-black tights (Target), a bouncy short zebra print skirt (Express), and fun open toe booties/heels (Payless). 
I opted to wear my hair in low bun because I didn't want to take away from the sleekness of the turtleneck.  I popped in a couple of playful pins for some extra flair (Forever21).  I went very simple on the make-up because I didn't have much time.  I already had pencil eye liner on, so I just traced over it with black liquid liner, powdered my face, added some bronzer and blush, and put on my never-been-used Chanel Rouge Allure lipstick in Lover.  Mmmm Chanel <3
Overall, I liked my look, and I shouldn't have had a problem staying warm.  However, the theatre was FREEZING!

My quick-chic bun.  I tucked that little piece under before we left.


The program.

I must say, the show was EPIC.  Absolutely fantastic.  The clever story, the fantastical costumes, the breathtaking voices!  We were floored.  

On another note, for those of you who have seen Wicked....  We realized yesterday that I have a lot in common with the Glinda character.  Haha!  It's true, I'm peppy, energetic, outgoing, with a side of nutty thrown in.  *Toss, toss, hehehehe*

What are your Christmas plans?  What did you ask Santa for? ;)

Was it ever recovery?

This past year has been one of the most challenging years in my life.  I began exercising regularly, eating a lot more, and battled with being 'okay' with the way my body looked.

My recovery was self-proclaimed.  I'm not even sure why I began calling it recovery.  I wasn't underweight, I didn't need to gain weight, but I did have ED thoughts.  It was easier to call it recovery.  In fact, I think I got into it because I really just wanted to start to exercise and tone up my body.  And I realized that since I was working out a lot, I needed to eat more.  So, I decided to go full hog on this concept that I created for myself.

My body changed with the exercise.  Although my legs and butt toned up, I became 'fuller' looking.  This was really difficult for me to handle.  Since I was eating more, I felt a moral obligation to workout at least three times a week; and when I didn't, I scolded myself.

I also felt an obligation to eat more, not caring if I was hungry or not.  I was in recovery, right?  I started planning my meals down to the apple that I ate for a snack.  I was so continuously obsessed with my food choices, and constantly thought about what I was going to eat and my next meal.  (Which is quite ironic, given the fact that I was trying to get *over* my ED thoughts.)

And then there was the weight gain.  Let me put it this way, I hadn't fluctuated in weight more than two pounds in four years.  Going upwards of the high end of my happy weight was no treat.  It sucked.  It was terrifying.  Especially given the fact that I was never underweight.  Not one doctor ever told me to gain.  Never was I classified as 'anorexic', and not once did I go a day without eating.  I never purged by throwing up or by using exercise.  I probably never ate less than 1,200 calories a day (except here, which actually happened as a cause of my attempted 'recovery').

But the real devil of the past year of 'recovery' has been that I became even more obsessed with food than I ever was.  Thanksgiving was great, but in reality, I don't think or eat like that under most circumstances.  Ever since I started 'recovery' I've obsessed over food and exercise more than I ever have.

Lets not forget that my ED began with Binge Eating Disorder (BED).  The truth is, I've never binged as much as I have in the process of 'recovery' (well, since my BED days).  The reason that I have had so many bingeing episodes is because I'm constantly thinking about and stressed over food, all of which leads to bingeing.  I'm constantly telling myself that "I'm in recovery"and I need to eat.  Really though, do I need to eat more?  I don't need to medically gain weight.

The Tuesday after Thanksgiving I was weighed at the doctor's office.  I weighed in at 116.8 pounds, four pounds over what my usual recovery weight had become, and eight pounds over my happy weight.  My mind reeled, but at the same time I kept my day going.  I went shopping, I did this and that, and tried to push my weight thoughts out of my mind.  Truthfully though, I was beyond annoyed with myself and my weight, and the fact that I had basically had a three-day binge on Thanksgiving.  All I could think about was the fact that I hadn't been this self-concious about my body or my eating habits or my exercise routines EVER.  And I had never been this continuously unhappy with my body.

Was it my attempt at 'recovery' that was driving me insane?  Why was I more fixated on my body image and weight than ever before?  Why did I have to plan every meal way ahead of time and stress out about food?  Why was I not flexible when it came to food choices?  Why did I have to eat out of habit, and even when I wasn't hungry?  Why did I have to have a chocolate-y snack after dinner even if I was stuffed?  Why did I have to work out 3-4 times a week?  Why did I constantly feel like I was losing self control?

Why was I SO obsessed with diet and exercise in my attempted recovery?  Can I even call it recovery?

Thanksgiving was two weeks ago, and since then I've tried my hand at... drumroll please.... intuitive eating.  Needless to say, I like it.  I eat when I'm hungry, and don't when I'm not.  I eat what I want--I was sick last week and made a huge pot of delicious thick soup and ate it four out of seven nights.  Yesterday I had fruit, cheese and nuts for lunch.  And last night we went to see Wicked (!!!), and we came home afterwards and ate Burger King.  We were hungry and it was 11 o'clock.  It hit the spot.  On top of that, I haven't been to the gym since before Thanksgiving.  I feel a little guilty, but not too much.

And you know what else happened since after Thanksgiving?  I lost five pounds.  I debated about putting anything about weight loss on here (I don't want to trigger any of you Loves), but it pertains to the topic, so I apologize in advice.  Okay, wait a tick- I followed my hunger cues, didn't go to the gym, and my weight evened out and I'm happier with my body (remember this post about the gym making me look 'thick', well I don't feel as thick since I haven't been working out my muscles as much)?  Maybe intuitive eating and exercising is something to hold on to...

I wonder... has my head dive into this self proclaimed 'recovery' really sent me into a more obsessive form of ED?  Maybe if I stop making such a HUGE deal about it, and about planning meals and working out I would be happier?  Maybe if I stopped obsessing over 'recovery, ED, recovery, I have ED!", that could that be my real recovery?