Not only did we drive 12 hours to Kansas to visit J's aunt, and drive back a day and half later; I also encountered a lot of ED issues that came up. Surprisingly, I dealt with them all. I dealt with my issues and didn't make excuses for 'living' and having fun because I 'felt fat', or something of that nature.
So, what am I really talking about?
What I'm talking about is the fact that I practically ate my own weight at Thanksgiving this year. I don't know why. Well, I do. There was SO MUCH delicious food. Food was everywhere. And everyone kept eating eating eating. I guess I just followed the herd.
I ate like jabba the hut for three days straight. There food was so enticing, and it was just sitting there taunting me. Turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and cannolis and pie and ice cream and whipped cream and creme brulee ....
I was having so much fun with everyone-- talking and eating and eating and talking. Even though I knew that I would regret eating so much after Thanksgiving I didn't stop. Why? I don't know. And even though I could practically feel myself getting fat, I didn't retreat in a corner and ask J if we could leave Kansas earlier because I couldn't handle myself around the food and I couldn't risk getting fat.
I ate, I talked, and I put on my jeans and enjoyed Thanksgiving.
No one there would care if my jeans looked a little too snug. And I was just so happy to be around family. To be around art (J's aunt is an artist), to be crafting (I made a really pretty bracelet- and no, I'm not tooting my own horn. It looks professional! :), to be discussing life, to let myself be free of my constraints. It was quite a phenomenal experience. Even right now I can't describe why I'm not (totally) freaking out about the amount of food I consumed.
I came home from Kansas, looked in the mirror, and acknowledged that I looked a little bit more round. Then I put on a tight pair of leggings and a form fitting sparkly sweater, and got ready to attend J's ten year high school reunion. <--This was a HUGE out-of-character move for me. Usually after eating so terribly I feel so awful about myself that I lock myself away from anyone but J for a couple of days. But on Saturday, I said fuck this. I acknowledged my 'chubby' feelings, took a shower, did my hair, put on make-up and my outfit, and went to the reunion.
I had an amazing time. And I felt pretty good about myself. J proudly introduced me to the people that I didn't know, and I had long chats with people that I did know. It was great. If I had listened to my ED thoughts and my body images issues I would have been at home watching TV while hating myself for eating so much during Thanksgiving. I would have sat alone at home and scolded myself over and over again. But I didn't, and that's an extraordinary feat in and of itself.
On top of being thankful for an amazing Love, fabulous family and friends, our health and our happiness; this Thanksgiving, I am so incredibly thankful for the change of attitude that I was blessed with.
I'm not really religious, but I kind of want to end this post with 'Amen'.
Here are some pictures from the day. I wish I could post more, but I try to not post pictures with J in them out of respect for his online privacy, and he was in most of the pictures.
So you're stuck with pix of me! =P
This is Solstice. He is part Bengal!
This is what we feasted on for 2 days.
Yes, I ate everything on this table. Multiple times.
Their property was beautiful!
I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well. :)