Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Final Post before the wedding?!

Hi everyone!!
  This just may be my final post before I am a married woman (and before I go on an amazing honeymoon)!

  I've been literally running around making sure that everything is just right for the wedding.

  I have basically idiot-proofed our wedding.  As in, I have schedules and instructions for every single person who has a specific role in the wedding.  Being Type A pays off sometimes!!  

  Alrighty... off I go to the last 3 days before the wedding!!!

Lots of Love <3

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Pre-wedding parties, food, and how I'm handling it all

Hi everyone!
  I haven't posted about anything ED/Food related in a bit, but here goes.

I have been severely, SEVERELY, challenged by ED this past week or so.  But I think I've managed to come out pretty OK.  My mom came to Michigan and has been staying with me since one week ago.  We have been spending every waking second together-- 'nuff said.  I love my mom, but I reeeeally also like my alone time.  And I've gotten, like, zero alone time the past week.  So, that's been stressful.  The only alone time I've gotten is when I've gone to the gym a few times.

On top of that, my mom has eating and body issues.  However, she completely acts like she doesn't.  The woman barely eat ANYTHING.  It's so frustrating trying to recover from an eating disorder when your mother brags about her size 2 pants to you and takes four bites of a salad and says "OH MY GOSH, I'm soooo full!! I ate SO MUCH!".  When I'm around my mom and her eating behaviors I get very agitated and it makes me''s.

Oiii vey!

On top of that, she's constantly telling me to eat.  Eat eat EAT!  Which just confuses and annoys the hell out of me.  It's like "how dare you tell me to eat when you eat barely anything!".

Anywho, with all of the wedding activities that have been going on, I knew that I was going to be challenged with many many many ED thoughts these last couple of weeks before the wedding.  There are so many parties and get-togethers and food to eat and dresses to fit into!

I have been scared out of my freaking mind that I will somehow gain weight and not fit into my skin-tight shower dress or my wedding dress.  Well, my wedding shower was today, and I fit into my dress just fine, so WHEW!

To top it all off, I've been doing wedding stuff non-stop and it's that time of the month, which makes me  hungry all the time.  And I've been eating some sort of dessert every single night.  Whether it's a bit of chocolate or a chocolate chip cookie, or something else that is delicious and bad for my assets.

So basically, I've been deathly afraid of gaining weight for the wedding because I'm in so many food-consumption situations that are out of my normal routine.

I don't really know how I'm dealing with it.  I'm dealing with it well I guess because I haven't restricted.  I've gone to the gym three times this week and my body feels tight and firm.  I just feel guilty when I eat because my head is constantly yelling at me "What the fuck are you doing?!?!  You have your fucking wedding in one weekend and you can't keep your damn hands off the feeding fork?  What kind of a bride are you?!!  You need to LOSE weight you loser, not eat".

I guess my only coping mechanism has been that I've been so busy that I don't have time to sit around and feel super guilty about what I ate.  And to eat when I'm hungry and stop eating when I'm full.

But anyway, my 1st bridal shower was today and it was absolutely beautiful!!  It was about 20 of us ladies and we had so much fun.  I got my hair done (yay!), the place was amazing, the food was fantastic, the guests were great, and I got lots of presents for our kitchen!  Oh yeah, and I fit in my dress- Thank God!  So, there is hope for my wedding dress!!!

Here are some pix:

J's aunt gave me a cute apron to put on!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Wedding Project Fun!

  I have been doing wedding projects absolutely non-stop since Sunday.

-Catholic ceremony programs
-Persian ceremony programs
-Name cards
-Table numbers
-Schedule for the bridesmaids, groomsmen, photographer, videographer, band, DJ
-Finalizing all the vendors/payments
-Making a card box from scratch and making a "Just Married" sign to hang on the back of the old Model A Ford that is going to drive John and I around (!)

So I figured that it would be fun to share some pictures with you all!


TA-DA, again!!

The front of the Ford Model A we will be riding in.  But with the top down :)

The back of the Ford Model A.  We will hang the "Just Married" sign over the back tire!

10 days until the wedding!!!!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Old Hollywood

My friends' wedding is tomorrow.  I LOVE weddings.  Well, I love parties in general.  And one of the reasons I love parties is sort of silly...  I absolutely adore getting dressed up.  It's one of my favorite parts of a special occasion!

I almost always figure out what I'm going to wear to a party way before hand and it's only because I am so excited about the putting together a cool outfit!!

I put together an outfit for this wedding in June.  See here.

The more I thought about it, I wasn't sure if this wedding was going to be fancy enough to wear a headpiece.  And I didn't want to wear the blue shoes without the headpiece.

As time went on, I bought another little black cocktail dress from Forever 21.  This time, I wasn't sure what shoes I was going to pair it with or really what style I was going to go for.  But, the deciding factor ended up being my hair.

If you knew me you would know that I am suuuuuuuuper lazy about my hair.  I basically let it do whatever it wants.  I'm a shower and air dry kind of girl.  But since I have wavy hair, sometimes it can look a little crazy.  But most days it looks somewhat interesting (to me anyway! haha).

Anyway, getting to the point.  The wedding is tomorrow at four and the only hair style that would really go with this new dress would be if I straightened my hair or if I curled it with a curling iron.  However, I have a very very very busy day tomorrow:  Picking mom up from the far-away airport at 10 am, final wedding meeting with the reception hall at 1 pm, and my friend's wedding at 4 pm.  So, where would I find the time to straighten my hair??  It usually takes a good hour for me to straighten my hair.

So I decided to do the one hair style I always do when I'm in a pinch, but with an added twist.  I tried a basket weave braid around the front of my hair, starting at the left ear, working my way to the right.  I then tied the loose hair into a side pony tail, curled the pieces, and pinned it into a side bun.  It took probably 15 minutes and I think it looked pretty good!

And it looked very Old Hollywood so I decided to accessorize the outfit with bright red matte lipstick from MAC, a long loose pearl necklace and pearl earrings, and I finished off the look with peep toe pumps.

Yay!  Style problem solved.  And I think I can put this together very quickly tomorrow.  :)

Recovery lesson, number begillion:

I have been doing very well with recovery the last few days.  This makes me smile :)

One day I craved really fatty Ben & Jerry's ice cream.  I went to the store, bought a pint, brought it home, and ate half of it.  It was DELICIOUS.

On the same night, I had PB& honey for dinner with 2% milk.  It tasted like heaven.

I know I've mentioned this before, but, I don't have a scale at home.  I haven't had one in about 5 years.  I refuse to.  If I had a scale I would weigh myself obsessively and be sick with ED thoughts.

2 weeks ago I went to doctor for a check-up so I was forced to have my weight taken.  I weighed in at 113.5.  I was okay with this since that seems to be the number that my weight seems to fluctuate around (sometimes I weigh myself at the gym).  I had a follow-up to that appointment this past week and I had to get weighed again.

 I was seriously dreading the follow-up appointment because the night before was the night that I had a lot of ice cream and PB & honey.  To say that I was anxious would be an understatement.  I even told myself that I just wouldn't look down at the scale because I didn't want to experience an ED trigger if my weight was higher than what I weighed in at last time.

But, I didn't really get the opportunity to do that because the nurse had me get on the scale (while she was sitting in a chair writing things) and tell her what my weight was.  I was forced to look down at the scale.  I panicked briefly.  mother fucker.  I looked down at the scale.  111.

"What does it say?" -Nurse 
"111" -Me

I slowly sat down in my chair while my head was spinning with thoughts.  It's as if someone had just shared a universal truth with me.

I didn't gain weight overnight.  Or over the last week.  Or over the last two weeks.  And I have been eating consistently, not denying myself food.  I know that my weight is lower, but I shouldn't rejoice over it.  I should just realize that weight fluctuates and that my body apparently LOVES staying around 110-113 because that's where it is *happy* and *comfortable*.  Eating for health does not make you fat.  Eating for health is just that, HEALTHY.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Prop 8 and my birthday!!

Today was my 26th birthday!!  Holy crappers.

The past few weeks have been insanely hectic because of our upcoming wedding, so I never really got to have the whole shebang with the birthday cake and the blowing out of the candles.  And neither did J, because his birthday was 3 weeks ago and we didn't have a chance to properly celebrate that either!  So I guess our wedding cake will have to do for 2 birthdays and a wedding!  Yuuummm =D

So, what made my birthday this year extra special?  Proposition 8 was overturned today!!!!  For those of who don't know, about 2 years ago the state of California legalized gay marriage.  Only to have a extremely biased and faulty election overturn the legalization ruling.  Therefore the right to gay marriage got taken away and swept under a rug.

Well, I guess they didn't sweep it under far enough because, today, Proposition 8 was overturned!!!!!!!!!!

Today, all people in California are allowed to love equally, regardless of their sex/gender/identity.

Today was my birthday, but I am so lucky to get to celebrate a ruling far more important than my birthday with millions of people!

Congratulations are in order for everyone <3

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Jeans, Jackets, Jeggings, and Fauxlexes

Hi everyone!
  First off, I want to thank you all for your comments in general and in particular, on my last post.  I've said it before, but recovering from an ED is one the most challenging things anyone could ever go through.  Because it's not like a broken leg, it doesn't heal in "x" amount of time.  ED is a disease that has a long and hard and drawn out healing process.  I haven't replied to your comments because your comments are still simmering in my head.  They are so very helpful and I just want you all to know that I truly and deeply appreciate your thoughts and all of your help.  You are all wonderful!

  Now that that's out of the way, let talk FASHION!!

  The past few months I've slowly acquired some of the must-haves for the upcoming Fall season.  What are these must-haves, you say?  Well, first of all, fashion is different for everyone, so my must-haves may not be yours.  No one person has the same exact style and taste as another, and I have spent years developing mine.  My style is a hodgepodge of different things.  Some days I want to dress like delicate girl and some days I want to explore fashion androgyny.  I'm a bit of a fashion nut some days, but if I like what I'm wearing, I don't really care if others think it's odd.

  So, back to those must haves.... My #1 must-have is a Chanel classic flap bag in black. 

 BUT, since that's not going to happen I have settled on these:

-Slouchy black blazer

-Gold fauxlex watch (fake Rolex- obviously I can't afford the real thing!)

-Jeggings (I really dislike this word with a passion!!  It just doesn't sound right)-- These pants are a great staple for any kind of wardrobe.  The best color is probably a dark ink-y wash-that way you have the option of dressing them up or down.

-Jeans- all different kinds--I am a huge jean whore and own way too many jeans than any one person should ever own.  But each season, I want the newest styles!

  I played dress-up today and here are a few of the styles I put together:

Tank top: Ann Taylor Loft
Distressed jeans: Charlotte Russe
Royal blue suede heels: Charlotte Russe
Gold and black braided headband: Forever21
Fauxlex watch: Target
Bag: Louis Vuitton 

Blazer: Ann Taylor Loft

Ink wash jeggings: Ann Taylor Loft
Black jacket: Express

What are your must haves for the upcoming Fall season?

P.S.  Surprise!  New background ;)