Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Let it Pass...

Getting over an ED is challenging.  It's a mind fuck.

I can feel absolutely fine and happy with my body one day, and the next I feel like a big fat blob.  It's abnormal- I realize this.

But it's all in my head.

On Saturday I went out for my bachelorette party and I felt beautiful.  My body felt good and firm and attractive.

I ate out for almost every meal on Saturday and Sunday.  I hadn't binged, but I hadn't kept track of my calories and I didn't have the chance to work out.  I hadn't had 100% control over what I had consumed.

On Sunday night I looked in the mirror and felt like a big Fatty McFatPants.  I felt like I gained 5 pounds.  I hated how my body looked.  It was depressing.

Situations like this come up almost bi-weekly.  And it sucks a big one.  So, what do I do?  How do I tackle this problem?

The last couple of weeks I have been trying to tell myself that it's all in my head and that it will pass.


And it always does.  It has to, because it's in my head.  Sometimes it's even so extreme to where I feel like I have a complete fugly and fat body at night, and when I wake up in the morning I feel slender and am happy with my body.

So, it has to be in my head.  My body is not gaining or losing visible amounts of weight in 12 hours.  It's not physically possible.

On another note, I have completely stopped weighing myself since the little ED flare up a few weeks back.  I figure that as long as I eat well and exercise, my weight will not really change.  My clothes all fit the same, so that's all I care about.

But anyway, the point of this post is that I have realized, furthermore, that most of the crazy is in my head and not in reality.



  1. i want to give up my scale, i really do. but the last time i did, things got all wonky... i don't know if i'm ready right now. but it is on my mind. i will give it up again at some point. sooner rather than later, i hope. thanks for the advice and for letting me know that i'm not alone, it really does help :)

    i'm glad you felt so wonderful at your bachelorette! and that is all you, baby. all your hard work. even if you felt the exact opposite in the aftermath, you can be proud of yourself and treasure the memory of having felt like a goddess for a special event. i'm really happy for you!

  2. I so get this! I think we all do. You are right, though. It is all in your head. It's just ed's way of trying to make you miserable. Weighing yourself does make it much worse. Throwing away my scale was one of the most liberating moments of my life. There's not a scale in my entire apartment. I used to have three in the bathroom alone.

    And you're right: it will pass. Just let it :)

  3. Hey Yasi!
    I can relate so much to what you just said; it's crazy how ED can mess with our minds so much. So proud of you for giving up the scale!

    Keep it up!
    Paola <3

  4. I can relate to this. It sucks because I have to really fight with my thoughts EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. when it comes to food.


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