Saturday, June 19, 2010


This post is going to be very scattered and I apologize in advance.

Do you ever have those days where you're just sad?  And no matter what you do you can't get out of your funk?

Today is one of those days.  I am overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and sadness.  There are so many things changing in my life and sometimes I don't know how they are happening so fast.

In 2 months I am getting married, moving in with J, moving to another city, finishing up my thesis, and possibly looking for a job.

I am moving away from the city I've lived in for the last 15 years.  I'm moving away from familiar faces and places.

I'm lonely.  

I ate chocolate chip cookies and ice cream last night.  And I felt as if I was going to bust out of my jean shorts.  

I browsed other peoples wedding pictures.  They all looked so skinny and perfect in their dresses.  

I looked at my pictures from when I was skinny.  I look so happy.

I am not happy now.  I don't like the way my body looks.  I don't feel like myself.  I feel like I am stuck in somebody else's body.  I don't recognize my girth or the way my clothes fit.

I need to lose 5 pounds.  I just can't do this right now with the wedding right around the corner.  I am so stressed out.  I can't try to recover when I hate how I look.  I don't want to hate how I look on my wedding day.

I just over plucked my eyebrows and I'm freaking out a little bit.  I was just trying to get them to look equal.  I hope they grow back in by the wedding.  My face looks bare and ugly.

There are too many things going on and I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face.  They won't stop.  As if there is an endless well of tears somewhere deep in my body.  It's as if my body is trying to get rid of my sadness by letting the well run dry.  But I don't think it will.

God, I have issues.

I have no family here.  And almost all my friends have moved away in the past year or 2.  

It's just my cats and me.  And when they see me they just see a walking bag of cat food and a litter scooper.


I'm sorry.

But this blog is about being honest.  And this is honesty.


  1. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way :( It's not fun at all but I completely understand it. Sometimes it's better to just let yourself feel sad, listen to sad music, cry. I think it's important, though, to FEEL the sadness, but not ACT on it. Being healthy, ultimately, will make you feel the best. I hope you feel better soon! xoxo

  2. I am very sorry about the way you are feeling now. I also find the transition time to be very hard, but that is part of life, I can't avoid it. Coming from my home country to US caused me so much stress, I think during that process I felt that I lost part of my identity; I learned that you heal over time and grow even more. we all are afraid of the unknown, and what future may bring. But I will promise you it will pass like all other down times you have. Take couple of deep breaths, take a shower, watch a funny movie what ever that works best for you. we haven't talked in person but if you need to talk I'll give you my cell#. take care

  3. Awww, Yasi, it will be okay. You'll get through the wedding and everything will start falling in to place. Also, you look amazing. Your arms in your FB profile pic right now are BANGIN!!! I would kill for you arms!

    Love you girl, it will get better!!!!!

  4. Thanks so much everyone =) It means a lot to read your comments.

    Delana, that picture is from 2007, when I was really skinny. =(

  5. Dont be sad girl, you still look BANGIN!!!! ;-)

  6. Dear girl, everyone has these days. It makes me so sad to read this, though -- someone as gorgeous as you should have little reason to feel insecure. Transition periods are tough, and I know that it must be really stressful to be planning a wedding -- there's a lot of pressure. All I can do is say that things will work out. My best advice is to be patient and take a way-too-hot shower. Wish I could do more, my dear, but remember that we're always here.
    xo Josie


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