Friday, June 18, 2010


Above are pictures from last night.  We went out with some of J's work friends to celebrate his departure from the company and also his new job.  Before this recovery journey I adored my thin limbs and usually felt pretty slender when I went out.  I did not feel this way last night.  I felt healthy and I felt hefty.  I was no longer a thin body that floated around the bar.  My body felt obtrusive.

Today is one of those days where I just feel like crap about my body.  It really doesn't help that I just got my period and that I haven't been to properly move my stiff neck and my upper back in like 2 weeks.  I'm just uncomfortable.

I feel pudgy and I feel gross.  And it's really hot here which makes me feel like I'm simply expanding with the humidity.  My boobs are swollen.  Everything is just puffy.

I've been eating very regularly, which in theory is good.  I'm enjoying food, which is also good.  But goddammit why do I have to look fuller?  I hate it!!  I mean I like that I'm eating food like a normal human being, but every summer before this one was spent restricting so I never felt round or pudgy.  Well, that's a lie.  I did feel round and pudgy, but when I look at pictures now I totally wasn't!!

But now I look healthy.  In pictures I don't look really thin.  I just look normal.  And as every person with an ED knows, you don't exactly strive to be normal.

So yes.  I'm a total grump today.  And I apologize that you had to hear me bitch.

End Rant. :)


  1. hey, I have been trying a good stretching DVD,

    It opens up all the stiffness in the shoulder and neck. I feel so relaxed afterward.

  2. Thanks! I'll have to check it out. Working out has been making the stiff neck muscles even worst. I think I need to take a break from weight lifting with my arms for a couple of weeks.

  3. I have some soreness in my butt and shoulder blade doing strength training. I am following some ppl suggestions: ice massaging it twice a day for 10 min each. I normally feel my body changes the day after weight training, muscles look more puffy, it is scary a bit :(


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