Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sunday night post

This is my 2nd post of the day, but I guess I just feel like blogging.  I ate very healthfully today.  I had J take all my left-over Easter candy and my miniature Dove chocolates and Hershey's kisses out of the house.  Here is what I ate:

-2 slices of 100% whole wheat bread with 1/3 fat philly cream cheese + tea

-1 pita bread and 1/2 cup of hummus

-a good sized salad: lettuce, tomato, carrots, avocado, 1 hard-boiled egg, with salt, pepper, and fat-free raspberry vinaigrette dressing
-1 vanilla Light & Fit yogurt

Even though I ate really well today, I've felt nauseous for a good part of the day.  In fact, I'm feeling nauseous as I type.  I feel like the salad and yogurt are swimming in my stomach and it just feels EWW.

  I'm really feeling the pressure to eat better and not be pudgy.  Graduation is in less than 3 weeks and I don't want to look like Pudgy McFatface in all my pictures.  I'm also scared shitless of what I will look like on our wedding day.  Sometimes I think that I'm crazy for wanting to go through this healing journey now.  Every bride wants to look their skinniest and most beautiful for their wedding day.  And here I am, having gained 5 pounds since last Fall.  I haven't gained 5 pounds in 4 years.  What the eff am I doing?  But then I think that my body looks more toned and I've probably just gained muscle.  I actually like my butt and my thighs, I'm not embarrassed of them like before.  Before, even when I was 107, I felt like my thighs were squishy.  Because they were.  We'll see what this whole cutting-out-junk does for me.

  On top of that my mom, who is always on a journey to lose weight, has a goal weight of 110 for the wedding, which is 2 or 3 pounds less than what I weigh now.  I know how stupid and ridiculous this sounds, but I can't believe that my and my mom's weight is so close right now.  She is 115 and I'm 112/113.  I mean I know she's ~ 2" shorter than me, but still.  I, the daughter, am supposed to be the skinnier one!  I totally feel awful writing about this, but it is how I feel.  I told my mom I felt this way, in jest, and she was like "well, you'll lose those 5 pounds the week before the wedding anyway with the stress." And all I said was "I hope so".

  Okay, that's all for now.  P.S.  I didn't eat any junk today =)


  1. Well done on not eating junk, and thanks for the supportive comment on my blog the other day i really appreciate it, hope all goes well x

  2. Thank Millie. And your welcome. Having an ED is the toughest shit anyone could ever go through. But some times it's nice to know that you're not alone. :)

  3. Yasi if you really want to get over your ED, it's important to stop comparing yourself to others. I know it's hard, and you seem like you're doing really well so far, but with your wedding getting closer it's going to get easier and easier to slip back in to.

    What matters isn't weight, but health. Eat healthy. Keep on exercising. Focus on how much more toned you are, not on what others around you look like/weigh. The only thing you are "supposed to be" is healthy, no matter what society tries to tell you.

    I know you know all this already, but sometimes it's nice to hear it from others when so much of our culture is focused on weight. I wish you the best of luck. :)

  4. Frozen OJ-
    Thanks for the positive thoughts. It's just very difficult when I've been a certain weight for the past few years and I've looked pretty thin, and now that it's getting closer to my wedding I'm putting ON weight. It's backwards!!


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