I have always been uncomfortable with my thighs, mostly the upper-outter thigh-ass (thass! Hee!). One of the most vivid memories of my thigh problems is from when I was around eleven. We were at the mall and I was begging my mom to buy me bellbottoms. My mom was getting a little annoyed because these pants were all the new rage and they were EXPENSIVE. No I mean, really, they were very expensive for '96. I'm talkin' like 60 bucks people! We tried on a few pants and after a little while my mom said the most horrid thing you could say to an 11 year old. "Those pants just don't flatter your thighs. Your thighs and butt are too big for pants like this and these pants don't look that great on you." *Collective sharp inhale* And ever since that day, I have always been self conscious of my thighs and my butt.
But in all reality she was partly right. I have an hour glass, sometimes pear, body-shape that does not look like your typical 'American girl' body. Oh and that probably has something to do with the fact that I'm Persian, and not American. I do not have a pencil shape to my body. There are curves. And since most of the clothing here in the States (and really EVERYWHERE) is made for straight body types, I have always battled with the way my thighs/butt look in clothing. Now, I am not saying I have a big badonkadunk- because I don't. But my thighs and my butt have never been really 'in shape', which is probably because I was never really involved with sports or any activities that were, well, active.
And until this January, I have never really been one to exercise (well except for those 4 mile runs every morning at 6 am when I was 19. But that's a story for another day!). So throughout my weight loss and weight gain and weight loss (...) my thighs and butt remained this non-toned area that I always hated. Even at my thinnest, 106 pounds, I still didn't like the way my thass looked. For some people it's their stomach, but for me my thighs and butt has been the area that make me feel fat.
So, you ask, why am I rambling on about my thighs and butt?
I am rambling on about these particular lower body areas because my issues with my thass have significantly decreased since I began working out. As I said in a previous post, my body shape has changed since I began eating well (as in eating at all meal times and not restricting myself) and exercising. I have not lost weight. In fact, I have gained somewhere between 3-5 pounds. But to be completely honest, my body looks better than it's ever looked. Where before, I was this frail bony person on top with a semi-shquishy thass, I am now a bit bigger on top (YAY arm muscles!) and my thighs and butt have firmed up (see pix ^). I'm no longer extremely self-concious of my thighs. In fact, I like wearing shorts now because my legs look toned and puuuuurdy. =D
Now, I am not insanely *thrilled* that I gained weight. Some days I get really down about it (hence the 2 previous posts). But days like today, when I stare at my body in the mirror (You know you do it too!), I think "wow, my body looks solid. I look toned. I actually look healthy.". Not, "my body looks frail and skinny, but uggh my thass still looks squishy- oh well, at least my top is super duper skinny and I look thin". Today I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw because I looked like a healthy 25 year old who takes care of her body. I didn't look emaciated. I didn't look squishy. I just looked healthy. And when I looked in the mirror, I just liked the way I looked. I realized that I didn't look extremely thin, but I didn't look fat either.
On another note, all of my clothes still fit--they just fit differently. I do think that a lot of the weight that I have gained has been in my thighs and butt and in my arms. But my legs and my butt aren't fatter. They do, however, take up more room in my clothes. Like, my jeans fit tighter, but they don't look bad. Because my thighs look toned and my butt is raised and toned. My shorts fit tighter, but they don't look bad, because of the same reasons.
And another thing--I know I said in my last post that I'm going to try to lose weight for the dress fitting, but I'm not really sure if that's a priority anymore. My priority will be to go to the gym consistently and to be fit and toned, not to lose weight. Honestly, if I really think about it, even with a 5 pound weight gain all of my clothes still fit and look good. So what if I gained a few pounds? As long as I'm still fitting into my clothes (even if they fit a bit differently) I'm a happy camper!
So, I think that was a really long post, but I had sort of a break-through, and it's always important to post about those!
So tell me, have you had any break-throughs recently?