Bikinis and the hyperventilation that follows

Hey guys!
  I was really just planning on going to bed, but then I realized that I had Persian dance practice tomorrow (we practice barefoot), and the nail polish on my toes are chipped badly.  CHIPPED. EW.  I really really really dislike when my nail polish is chipped, especially when it's bad!  So that means that I'll be up for a little bit putting on my favorite shade of polish.

  Anyway (toes are drying), today was a long day.  I started my internship in the morning and it looks as if I'll have a lot of really cool opportunities to do cool projects and actually work right in the public health field.  So needless to say, I'm PSYCHED!  After the internship, I went back and worked at my regular job.  So no working out for me today.  That's just as well because my body probably needed the day off to recalibrate.  Oh!  And I failed to mention a particular right butt cheek cramp that I somehow got yesterday.  OUCH.

  Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:
-100% wheat bagel, 1/3 fat philly cream cheese, tea

Mid-morning snack:
-50 calorie Light & Fit

Lunch:
-PB&J sandwich
-1 plum

Afternoon snack:
-Carrots

Dinner:
-Zereshk polo (described in last night's post- basically chicken stew over rice and barberry) with a side salad of lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, avocados, with balsamic vinaigrette dressing


  Today was not a great body image day.  A few weeks ago I had ordered a few of the same swimsuit (different colors) off Victoria's Secret.  I ordered Smalls, and when they got here they were too big.  So I exchanged them for XS, which I received in the mail today.  When I put them on I just looked bleeeh.  They fit, but I just look thicker somehow now.  I hate this.  I mean, I realize that I'm eating a real lunch now and I'm not skipping meals, but I'm exercising.  Shouldn't that balance out?  Maybe my body has just gotten more muscular.  I just felt like my upper thighs were the thighs of a wild buffalo, which would only be beneficial if we were in the wild west and I was being chased by cowboys.  But I'm not.  I'm just standing in front of my mirror feeling like a fat piece of meat with a head.

  And before this whole "healthy lifestyle" change I would never ever ever eat a PB&J sandwich for lunch and then rice and chicken and the works for dinner.  A PB&J sandwich was a luxury for me (calorie-wise) because the peanut butter is fattening.  But damn it, the butter of the peanut is just.so.delicious!!!!

  My mom and John tell me that it's just in my head.  But how can it be in my head if my weight has gone up a couple of pounds (may be muscle) and I look bigger in the mirror.  My eyes are seeing just the same as before!

  So yeah... today was a bit of a struggle, but only after the swim-suit fiasco.  How was your day?